RECKLESS DEAL | The Slime Capsule (™)
If you’re reading this, then it’s not too late. We’ve had a containment breach here on Planet Scumm. Some sort of strange space radiation got into the commissary when Scummy released us for our weekly meal. We didn’t think anything of it at first, but now that we’re back at the keyboards in our Content Cells the lot of us keep obsessing over…deals.
It’s getting harder and harder for us to concentrate on anything except slashing prices, vaporizing premiums, and knocking numbers—knocking them down, of course! (See what I mean?) Derrick tried working out a formula for something called “The Platonic Dealio,” and ended-up scooping his eyeballs out with a melon-baller. Savings? More like shavings. Shavings of eye-meat!
Bleh. It’s getting worse. BUT—you can help. Those of us who are left figure we might be able to fight this off by offering one giant planet-killer of a deal. We’re calling it…
THE SLIME CAPSULE (™)
Inside this crackerjack bundle (which, again, is our only hope for survival), you get:
EVERYTHING! Volume 1, an anthology collection of all 18 stories published in the first year of Planet Scumm.
A copy of Planet Scumm Issue #5, “Human Resources” (recently prettified and retrofitted for a smoother journey into your grey matter)
A copy of Planet Scumm Issue #7, “A Wrinkle In Slime” , our most recent publication.
Six Planet Scumm postcards, featuring cover illustrations ranging from Issue #3 (“You Win Scumm, You Lose Scumm”) to our forthcoming Issue #8 (“[TITLE REDACTED]”)
On a normal day—a day where, say, you weren’t slowly dying at the hands of a memetic thriftiness virus—a package like that would run you 51.00 USD (with shipping). But now, for a limited time only, you can get all this for the low, low price of 34.98. We’re gonna dump these babies into Earth’s upper atmo and let Ol’ Uncle Gravity do the work for us!
34.98! That’s just three easy, concurrent payments of 11.66! A savings of... whatever 51 minus 34.98 is! (Sorry—math’s starting to get hard for us. We keep breaking things down into “three easy payments,” then break those into three more easy payments...then three more...and so on.)
So please, for the sake of the surviving members of the Planet Scumm Street Team, consider availing yourself of this limited time Slime Capsule (™) offer. It really is a good deal! That’s not even the brain virus talking! If you’re still on the fence, check out a sample story from Volume #1, or from Issues #5 or #7.
Oh! And don’t tell Scummy about this whole “containment breach” thing. Dude loves jettisoning problems into space almost as much as he loves deals.
