CONTEST | In Finite Words Winners

Cast your mind...back,  to a simpler age. A time when Tom Hanks was still the picture of health. A time when you were still pretty sure you’d get around to seeing Parasite during its theatrical re-release. A time when it still felt like there were, what, twenty or so Democratic Primary candidates? 

Yes, we want you to go all the way back to the distant past, to January 29, 2020. Can you see it there, through the misty haze of—wait, two weeks?! It’s only been two weeks! Cripes, Daylight Savings Time doesn’t usually screw us up this much…. 

Who knew that when we launched our “In Finite Words” tweet contest with some timey-wimey theming that the world would conspire to make us pay dearly for that extra twenty-four hours! Thank goodness we only steal a 29th of January from Cronus every four years! 

And now, before they’re lost to the even more distant past of three, four, or even five weeks ago…your winners. 

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Here’s second-time winner @GayJewess taking the #Infinite category, fittingly enough.

@planetscumm
Maybe this time. Tell him. You've got infinite tickets for this ride, lived this life so many times, maybe this time, maybe tell him. Even if it means you miss Martha, the kids... one lifetime. With him. More lifetimes will come. Maybe... next time. #infinite

— Maya Dworsky-Rocha (@GayJewess) March 7, 2020

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Skitching in on the back of a rocket-powered sedan comes @simon_nagel, for #Sideways.

@planetscumm Accelerated speeds reaching peak engine capacity. Cargo must arrive on time. I torque my neck, wincing at the atmospheric blast of pressure. We survive the impact, but the horizon runs vertical. Cargo still intact. My spine, not so much. #contest #sideways

— Simon Nagel (@simon_nagel) March 10, 2020

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@houndoom16 clears a 2.5-meter vertical #Leap and wins the category.

@planetscumm

Squinting at her slides, Mika scribbled notes on her notepad.

The dragonfly’s cells looked normal, but the bug looked anything but. The giant insect tapped the overhead song’s beat onto her thigh.

Even without a solid theory, this was one #leap for biotech.

— Katlina Sommerberg (@houndoom16) March 6, 2020

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For all we know, @JackBlankHSH ‘s winning tweet for #Relativity has experienced over fifty years of subjective social media engagement.

@planetscumm #relativity For centuries the cosmos belonged to digital art. Sofia Soto brought it back to paint. Her last triptych "Falling in a Blackhole" took 3 years to paint; a millennia passing on Earth. Digitized immortals ignored it but their meat-puppet servants loved it.

— Jay Rohr (@JackBlankHSH) March 3, 2020

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[The “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” theme, but it’s playing in an impossible huge mausoleum depicting wise kings and queens of yore.] And finally, @Barry_Negrin, with the winning #Ages tweet.

@planetscumm Don't patronize me because I can't configure the mediabot. Our 4-D universe's expansion is accelerating; time really is flying by faster now than before. You just don't feel it yet. It'll happen to you, too. By my calculations...next Tuesday. (Ya little shit.) #age

— Barry Negrin (@Barry_Negrin) March 6, 2020

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Each of those category finalists will get a free digital copy of our latest issue, “Sideways Infinity. And now, let’s close out with our overall winner, the lucker tweet-doer who walks away with a physical, bound issue of the aforementioned Issue #8 (available now!), a book that only occasionally ignores the laws of space-time. 

That overall winner is…@houndoom16! Congrats! That copy of “Sideways Infinity” will be mailed to you three weeks ago, before we even started the contest. It should already be on a nearby desk or flat surface, unless we somehow caused a para-